Trying to Recover

I don’t know what to say.
Disorganized thoughts.
Auditory hallucinations.
Paranoid delusions.
It’s all still there.
It’s hidden,
But they pop out from
Time to time.
Say “hey, we’re still
Here to
Hurt you.”
They say “listen,
We still have
Control.”
“We’ll still pierce
Your
Soul.”
Please leave me
Alone.
I’ll say “it’s really
No big deal;”
I’ll think “someone
Help me heal.”

War

There is a war going on inside me.
It looks like lions attacking each other,
It feels like being electrocuted
And set on fire in the same seconds.
Sometimes there is a lull in the war--
A break in the battles--
An eerie nothingness.
Everything is numb.

I have yet to process the trauma.
I have no feelings, other than 
A precarious curiosity of when 
the next perilous battle is,
And of who will win,
Or if there even will be a victor.

Will the lions ever tire?

Sorry for the lack of consistency

I went manic and had to go inpatient for a few weeks. I didn’t get much work done there and what I did I tore up in a rage so it’s back to the beginning I guess. I think from now on, this blog/website is going to focus on mental health/mental illness since that is what controls my life right now along with being on some pretty heavy duty medications. Things may be slow-going for a few weeks but I’ll try to publish a few poems.

Thank you for your continued understanding. “Remember not to quit, but to rest.”