Riding a Sine Wave

Riding a sine wave,
Where the dependent variable
Is your emotions
Is hardly what I call fun. 
It’s a pain,
Constantly going up
And down
And up
And down.
The ups sound fun,
But they aren’t.
To the surprise of many,
You prefer the downs. 
They’re calm.
You get to sleep.
Your feet are still grounded in reality
(For the most part).
But the ups
Are so chaotic
One second experiences ecstasy
The next, terror
One second later, rage.
You get so used to following
This wild function,
That you forget there’s a third option:
Hanging out around the midline.
When do I get to go back
To doing that?

Longing to Be the Sun

The sun rises over the ridge,
A great ball of yellow fire.
I see it pretty late these days,
Around 7AM.
I’m more of a summer sun--
Waking up long before today’s dawn.
I should try to sleep in later,
Since I have no job or class to tend to.

My only job today is to recover.
It’s been about a month since
I came home from the hospital.
I still feel lost.
Will I always feel lost?
Maybe if I sleep more,
I’ll feel like I know where I am
Like the sun knows where it is
And where it’s going,
Always rising in the east 
And setting in the west.

I’m trying to be like the sun,
So I’m going to go climb
Up and over that ridge
Every day
Until I run out of energy.

Sorry, but I need a break.

Feeling a relapse coming. Gonna go hard on the PRNs and therapy sessions and take a break from this site. I have a few posts lined up for the next few days; hopefully I’ll be back at it by the time all those are posted. Thank you for understanding.

And if I do go full-blown psychotic, that’s just more material, yeah?