Itchy in All the Wrong Ways

I got an itch I can’t scratch
Because every time I do it bleeds
And, boy, am I a bleeder.
Lost so much blood I almost died.
Just a Band-Aid for me,
Skip the stitches.
My dad will super glue my skin together
And all will be well again.

Little Bug

Little bug,
Jumping from blade to blade of grass.
Why are you there?
Seems though you have no impact,
But there you are
Jumping from blade to blade
The little bug you are.

Together with your little bug-mates
And mates of those mates
You shape whole ecosystems,
So that’s the importance:
You need connections;
You need community.
Enjoy jumping through the grass,
Little bug.

What is Schizoaffective?

Fuck this disorder.
Schizoaffective.
Pfft. No one knows 
What that is.
When asked
(or rather if asked),
I say it’s a
Combo of schizophrenia and bipolar;
How awful that sounds.
How awful that is.
Repeated breaks from reality
Shifts in mood
Either too high
Or too low.
Yeah, “even” exists,
But it never lasts.
So yeah,
Fuck this disorder.

Tornadic Threat

Once again
I am trapped.
There is no escape.
The trauma may be over,
But the panic shows persistence
Like damage
Long after the storm is gone.
Every benign zephyr
Feels like a tornadic threat,
And in this collapsed home,
I am trapped.

Long Gangly Arms

I have these
Long gangly arms
That just don’t know how to hug.
They’re made to keep people 
At least an arm’s length away.
I’ve been told I suck at hugging,
But the truth is I just don’t know
How to hug people I don’t like.
And boy are there a lot of people
I don’t care for!
How do I give someone who repeatedly
Hurt my loved ones
The same kind of hug I would give my loved ones?
I reserve the great big bear hugs
That show I care, and mean it,
For those that need it.
No, I will not give abusers my best hugs,
My best hugs are reserved for my best friends:
People who will appreciate awkward hugs
From a skinny girl with long gangly arms
Because they know what it’s like
To feel like you need to force showing affection
To those who don’t deserve it.

Slave

Nothing but a slave
To the chemicals.
Depakote, Zyprexa, Invega
My personal cocktail.
So tired,
But I can’t sleep;
So hungry
But I can’t eat.
Without them though
I’m crying on the bathroom floor.
Nothing but a slave
To the chemicals.
Saying hello to my buddy–
Leo the Leprechaun
Living in the 4th dimension.
Nothing but a slave
To the chemicals.
Neurotransmitters on the fritz.
Block the dopamine.
Flood my brain.
Nothing but a slave
To the chemicals.