Glass shattered into a million pieces No matter how much patience, How much time, Or how much effort you put into it, You will never fix me. Then poof. Like magic. I'm a diamond. We all are.
Those socks are so Terrifying. Why? I can feel my insides Dying, Rotting. My stuffed animals are Crying Because I’m still Trying Still… Everything is Horrifying. Why?
I don’t know what to say. Disorganized thoughts. Auditory hallucinations. Paranoid delusions. It’s all still there. It’s hidden, But they pop out from Time to time. Say “hey, we’re still Here to Hurt you.” They say “listen, We still have Control.” “We’ll still pierce Your Soul.” Please leave me Alone. I’ll say “it’s really No big deal;” I’ll think “someone Help me heal.”
There is a war going on inside me. It looks like lions attacking each other, It feels like being electrocuted And set on fire in the same seconds. Sometimes there is a lull in the war-- A break in the battles-- An eerie nothingness. Everything is numb. I have yet to process the trauma. I have no feelings, other than A precarious curiosity of when the next perilous battle is, And of who will win, Or if there even will be a victor. Will the lions ever tire?
I wake up Hungover, Not from booze, but medication. It’s the temazepam, The quetiapine, And the mirtazapine. The only combo that gets me some shuteye Each and every night, But it leaves me feeling... Well, maybe not feeling. The cocktail of medication Leaves me numb. But my reluctant eyes were as open As my lips When I had nothing to say. Continue reading "Overmedicated"
Each Thought Is Like A Stuck Gear Still Trying To Move. Someone Please Fix This; I Need Help.
I don’t write because I want to change the world Or make the comfortable Feel discomfort And those uncomfortable Experience comfort. No, I write to benefit Nobody other than myself. I write because It’s the only thing that keeps Me safe and sane. If I weren’t writing this Right now, I might be drinking Or bleeding Or killing my kidneys with Too much lithium. My writing is My selfish secret I’m willing to share.