Lightning bolts whiz across the sky Like they’re trying to mirror my thoughts. Thunder roars equally as loud As my roar, A roar I am using far too frequently. Here I am again, Swimming in my head again. It was fun at first, And I still don’t want to stop, But now I’m getting scared. What if it’s not that I don’t want to stop, But that I can’t stop? The temperature of my soul burns, As though it was just struck By that lightning bolt Whizzing across the sky Because my head was just struck By all these ecstatic frightening thoughts Whizzing through my neurons.
Inhale lightning Exhale thunder Fall steadily The infinite descent The vortex is forming The storm is here Feel the updraft Take advantage And take flight
I’m growing weary Of the ephemerality of stability. It’s not fair–no nevermind; Nothing is fair–it just plain Old sucks That I spends weeks, sometimes months In an out-of-control manic state Feeling God run through my veins As my bank account gets wounded And I unknowingly hurt myself Over and over again, Burning bridges like some Kind of arsonist Followed by weeks, maybe months Of soul-crushing depression And feeling that the world is just too much for me– Or am I too much for it? Then it eases Oh so temporarily Before the cycle repeats.
Brisk air chills My exposed face. I’m stuck wondering If I can’t sleep, And I can’t eat, How can I do anything? Running back home, I can only wonder How people just Exist in This purgatory.
Something may kill me, But I will not die. I will leave my mark On my family and friends. I will live on with my lover. My body may turn to ashes, But my spirit will live on Creating chaos long after.
Feeling wild and free Feeling wide-eyed and please Won’t you take my hand and Let me in your band? I thought we were together But you didn’t call and say whether You were too busy so I assume You don’t want to be in the same room. Alone here I sit Feeling lost: this is my exit.
The excitement hits me like Flurries in a New Hampshire winter– Unexpected, out of nowhere, Short lasting, but could amount to Either the greatest day, The messiest of situations, Or nothing at all. That’s okay. Let the flakes fall And land where they may.