Fuck this disorder. Schizoaffective. Pfft. No one knows What that is. When asked (or rather if asked), I say it’s a Combo of schizophrenia and bipolar; How awful that sounds. How awful that is. Repeated breaks from reality Shifts in mood Either too high Or too low. Yeah, “even” exists, But it never lasts. So yeah, Fuck this disorder.
I always thought We were having such fun. I don’t know about that anymore. We were a constant risk To everyone Including ourselves. A love so reckless. That “fun” we were having, Was just passive suicidality On both of our parts. We wanted to live fast So we’d die hard. It seemed like Good ole’ tomfoolery at the time, But it wasn’t. Do you recognize that?
I am stuck. My car does not go, And it is not safe to walk On these icy, winding roads. I still struggle, Though I told them I was ready to leave. I wish I didn’t Because now I spend my days alone Just waiting for my dreams To take me away From this endless flatness. I need to return To my mountains. I bounce my leg And pace the house, Wishing for an escape. I must get out of here. Now.
Glass shattered into a million pieces No matter how much patience, How much time, Or how much effort you put into it, You will never fix me. Then poof. Like magic. I'm a diamond. We all are.