What is Schizoaffective?

Fuck this disorder.
Schizoaffective.
Pfft. No one knows 
What that is.
When asked
(or rather if asked),
I say it’s a
Combo of schizophrenia and bipolar;
How awful that sounds.
How awful that is.
Repeated breaks from reality
Shifts in mood
Either too high
Or too low.
Yeah, “even” exists,
But it never lasts.
So yeah,
Fuck this disorder.

We Weren’t Alright

I always thought
We were having such fun.
I don’t know about that anymore.
We were a constant risk
To everyone
Including ourselves.
A love so reckless.
That “fun” we were having,
Was just passive suicidality
On both of our parts.
We wanted to live fast
So we’d die hard.
It seemed like 
Good ole’ tomfoolery at the time,
But it wasn’t.
Do you recognize that?

Claustrophobia

I am stuck.
My car does not go,
And it is not safe to walk
On these icy, winding roads.

I still struggle,
Though I told them
I was ready to leave.
I wish I didn’t
Because now I spend my days alone
Just waiting for my dreams
To take me away
From this endless flatness.

I need to return
To my mountains.
I bounce my leg
And pace the house,
Wishing for an escape.

I must get out of here.
Now.