Little bug, Jumping from blade to blade of grass. Why are you there? Seems though you have no impact, But there you are Jumping from blade to blade The little bug you are. Together with your little bug-mates And mates of those mates You shape whole ecosystems, So that’s the importance: You need connections; You need community. Enjoy jumping through the grass, Little bug.
Fuck this disorder. Schizoaffective. Pfft. No one knows What that is. When asked (or rather if asked), I say it’s a Combo of schizophrenia and bipolar; How awful that sounds. How awful that is. Repeated breaks from reality Shifts in mood Either too high Or too low. Yeah, “even” exists, But it never lasts. So yeah, Fuck this disorder.
Once again I am trapped. There is no escape. The trauma may be over, But the panic shows persistence Like damage Long after the storm is gone. Every benign zephyr Feels like a tornadic threat, And in this collapsed home, I am trapped.
I have these Long gangly arms That just don’t know how to hug. They’re made to keep people At least an arm’s length away. I’ve been told I suck at hugging, But the truth is I just don’t know How to hug people I don’t like. And boy are there a lot of people I don’t care for! How do I give someone who repeatedly Hurt my loved ones The same kind of hug I would give my loved ones? I reserve the great big bear hugs That show I care, and mean it, For those that need it. No, I will not give abusers my best hugs, My best hugs are reserved for my best friends: People who will appreciate awkward hugs From a skinny girl with long gangly arms Because they know what it’s like To feel like you need to force showing affection To those who don’t deserve it.
Nothing but a slave To the chemicals. Depakote, Zyprexa, Invega My personal cocktail. So tired, But I can’t sleep; So hungry But I can’t eat. Without them though I’m crying on the bathroom floor. Nothing but a slave To the chemicals. Saying hello to my buddy– Leo the Leprechaun Living in the 4th dimension. Nothing but a slave To the chemicals. Neurotransmitters on the fritz. Block the dopamine. Flood my brain. Nothing but a slave To the chemicals.
Lightning bolts whiz across the sky Like they’re trying to mirror my thoughts. Thunder roars equally as loud As my roar, A roar I am using far too frequently. Here I am again, Swimming in my head again. It was fun at first, And I still don’t want to stop, But now I’m getting scared. What if it’s not that I don’t want to stop, But that I can’t stop? The temperature of my soul burns, As though it was just struck By that lightning bolt Whizzing across the sky Because my head was just struck By all these ecstatic frightening thoughts Whizzing through my neurons.
Inhale lightning Exhale thunder Fall steadily The infinite descent The vortex is forming The storm is here Feel the updraft Take advantage And take flight